1, 2, 3...

There's this song that's always played on the radio these days.

You can count on me, like 1, 2, 3, I'll be there

When I know I need it I can count on you, like 4, 3, 2 and you'll be there

Cuz that's what friends are supposed to do

It's one of those songs that gets stuck in your head really easily. Don't know who it's by.

It's a bit simplistic, because of obviously no one can be counted on 100% of the time - we're only human and have our own constraints, but it's pretty cool when there are people that are pretty close to that.

Are you free? I need you to be here tomorrow at this certain time, important, explain later.

No worries.

I want to be really reliable. I want it to be that if I happened to be in the Sahara desert in the middle of the night and receive an emergency phone call I would like to be without hesitance jumping on the next camel and flying back to wherever is required.

I really don't want to go to the Sahara desert or fly via camel even if camels could fly but you know what I mean.

It's not to be the hero. Of course it's actually sometimes easy to be a hero in a crisis. I'm sure you know lots of those. Those that fly in and save the day just a second before the lightning strikes. The point really isn't to be a hero, but it's recognizing that those few last few minutes of decision making could be very critical in changing a major outcome.

The key, though, is not really about saving the day (although sometimes required). What about those that don't fly down in their superman capes when thunder and lightning come, but actually day to day, prevent the clouds from forming in the first place.

Those deserve a reward.

Thanks for the patience.

1, 2, 3...

Feb 27, 2012.

The Black Dog: An Owner's Manual.

http://www.blackdoginstitute.org.au/docs/swalsh.pdf

Feb 19, 2012.

It's been an interesting couple of weeks.

Always good to catch up with old friends, especially overseas. Saw some in Singapore lately. Interesting to hear the stories people have. Interesting to hear how many opinions still haven't changed. That's cool - mine haven't much either.

There are a few questions I get asked a lot from uni friends - 1) Do you still take lots of photos, 2) Do you still do a lot of bushwalking? I've developed a new answer - which is as of 3 years ago I ceased taking photos, going bushwalking, or seeing any friends. Not completely true, but work does takes the stage most of the time and it takes significant commitment and discipline to do anything else that remotely requires effort.

Having said that, I do miss being out of the city. Anyone want to do a short trip somewhere? Day trip or longer. It's kind of to the point that if someone needs a lift to Geelong, I would almost say yes, just to get a bit of a change in scenery. Not quite, but almost.

On a completely different note, who saw Four Corners last week? I wonder how much training politicians go through to learn how to not answer questions.

January 26, 2012

So Roger Federer isn't going to win the Australian Open this year. Boo.

I'm still waiting for his comeback though. He's got to win at least one more grand slam! He's got to he's got to he's got to.

C'mon Fed-ex, make 2012 your comeback, we're rooting for you!

December 22, 2011.

Things have been pretty up recently. Not entirely sure why, but feeling pretty good.

I guess I feel like I've been doing some things right lately. The weather has been pretty good too. The days where it has been a bit hot for my liking I've stayed in doors, not noticing it.

Getting a new bed will probably improve things further though. The current bed I have has springs and I think the springs are giving. Making me arch down when I sleep and not sleep as well. I was thinking of taking the bed apart and just sleeping on the matress which will be a lot more comfortable but not sure I have the right tools. Will need to investigate.

Things are ok. That's what's pretty good.

December 14, 2011

Had a nice surprise today. I was told I was getting an iPad 2, or an approximate equivalent amount in cash, my choice. It feels good to be recognized. I considered the iPad but I think I will go with the cash. I'm not sure what I would do with an iPad. I can't imagine me using it that much. If anyone with an iPad thinks it's terrific let me know, I would be keen to understand what's so good about it. I don't even really know what they can do.

The window on the driver's seat of my car does not roll down automatically anymore. In the past, if you press it once, it would keep going until you pressed it again. Same with rolling it back up. Again, if anyone knows what I could've done to change this setting, let me know. I've been looking around my car to see if there is some lock function I accidentally pressed but have not as yet seen one.

Still waiting for some takers for making that cake...

Someone make this for me...

http://www.theage.com.au/lifestyle/cuisine/baking/recipe/cream-cheese-chocolate-and-coffee-brownies-20111018-1lxlz.html

Please? :)

Out of the blue.

"He what?!?!"

Should I call? Should I not? I want to call. But it's a bit out of the blue. He'll think it's strange. It might be a bit awkward.

Should I call? Should I not? I want to call.

A few hours later, I pick up the phone and call.

"Hello?" A woman picks up.

I want to hang up. I identify myself and force myself to ask for him. I hadn't met her before.

"Hello?" ... and the conversation starts. It lasted a couple of minutes.

It ended with "thanks very much for your concern."

Afterwards, I was so, extremely relieved I called. Do you ever get that? When you wonder for ages whether something is a good idea, then just relieved because you know for sure you did the right thing?

Sigh of relief. On multiple fronts.

He's ok.

Lesson learned (actually not lesson learned, but lesson reinforced): Err on the side of showing you care, even if it risks appearing strange. Don't assume someone else will do it. Someone else might not. And that could lead to very bad places. And that is something is not worth risking.

Come again?

I wish you'd told me what you were about to say.

I would have stopped all that I was doing, turn to you, give you my full attention, and try my very hardest to put into my memory every detail of that moment.

But I didn't see it coming, you just spoke, and 5 seconds later, I understood what the jist of the message was but couldn't remember how it was actually said. Couldn't replay it in my head if I wanted to.

Made my day, week.. and just about month.

I'm sure you (the reader) have those moments as well sometimes. I hope you have another one soon. It's pretty awesome. Makes you feel things are worth it.

And all of a sudden, I'm a little bit angry.

Maybe it's not enough sleep. Perhaps that sparked it.

We've had some discussions at work about anger lately. It's more anger in the context of frustration. One of the leaders has been telling us that if someone starts getting angry at you, let them know it's making you uncomfortable, and if they don't respond positively, walk away right then and there. Give them some time to calm down, then go back and work things out. A lot of the times it's not personal (although not always), and often it's because they've frustrated, have worked long hours, multiple days in the row and are tired (not that it justifies anything).

Good advice. Except it works on the assumption that after they've calmed down, you can go back, have a rational conversation, work things through and move on. Probably move on to the next crisis or topic of concern, but either way, move on.

In my experience, I can calm down, forget about things, but not enough sleep (or whatever it is) can re-spark the anger and out of nowhere there's this massive fire inside about to burn.. very slowly.. slow glowing embers but destructive all the same.

At work, we say "Be safe. Stay calm. Have fun."

I am calm.

Just calmly angry.

October 30, 2011

Today was a sad day. Not just for me, but for many others. I cannot even begin to imagine how painful it must be for them.

I knew it would be difficult, but hearing the words tonight, I realize just how much he meant to me.

As I stood there reflecting, images came into my head, memories that I hadn't thought of in awhile. I recall a time, about 3-4 years ago, after a fairly horrific night I had, in which I was given his number to call in the event of another emergency. I was offered many numbers, and I wouldn't take them, but his I took, even though I didn't know him that well, he appeared trustworthy and safe. I don't know why.

I recall another time, also 3-4 years ago, in which he came up to me and asked me how I was going. We both knew that he knew what had happened. I told him I was scared, and had trouble walking around by myself. He acknowledged that it was a difficult position to be in. He appeared to understand.

There were happier memories. One time I heard him tell a children's story. A story about Santa Claus. I hadn't really seen him around children before. He was good with them.

I am immensely thankful that he has been able to be a part of my life. I am immensely, immensely thankful for the help he provided through difficult times. Sad, but immensely thankful.

I hope we do not lose perspective during this time. Let's not get side tracked on what we don't know, or infer things from what's not really there. Let's make sure we cling to what is true.

I trust that God's at work, fulfilling his good purposes.

October 25, 2011

I don't like all the highs and lows and extreme feelings. I would prefer stability. Life's not like that all the time, though, so just have to learn to manage the swings.

I've known it's hard to forgive. I've learned that I'm finding it almost impossible to forgive someone that doesn't think they've committed any wrongs, that hasn't indicated at all any recognition of the pain they've caused. I just can't do it no matter how I try.

I never knew you could look up to someone so much that it hurts. How does that work?

It's hard when you can't keep track of what's going on, it feels out of control.

I was told to take a deep breath and calm down. It works, a bit. At least momentarily.

On a high.

Bounce flowing every where at the moment. It's a bit crazy.

Waiting for the crash, but at the moment, bouncing all over the place. Will be difficult to sleep tonight, although really hoping for some good rest.

I guess I like to push the boundaries. Maybe it's not completely appropriate, maybe it's not how most people would do things, but we're getting along, life's easier this way for both of us, I like it when people are smiling like you are, why not then?

I know why not. I know very, very well why not.

The plan, therefore, is that we'll push the boundaries and see how flexible they are, but not fall off the cliff.

Excellent plan.

It's as easy as 1, 2, 3.

I don't understand why it's so hard for some people to respond to their phones.

It is extremely frustrating.

Call me, and I'll tell you why.

The green stuff.

I paid $16.5 for a vegetarian burger today.

I don't know what came over me.

My friend was quite shocked when I put out that order. Apparently I have a reputation for being a bit of a carnivore.

It was actually surprisingly good.

That's all it is - words.

I received two apologies today. One cane up to me and said something along the lines of, "I hope I didn't upset you, you know everyone gets upset sometimes". The other came up to me and directly offered his genuine apology and gave me a box of chocolates to make up for it.

I told a friend about this. She says, "Typical guys - they think can just buy you a gift and pretend like nothing ever happened." She told me about how she was fearful of seeing someone after a similar situation I had, and that really, even they semi-acknowledged that he was completely out of line with her, there was still a tension and she was in fact dreading every time they might.

Nevertheless, the two gestures, especially the latter (as it really is the thought that counts), really did do it for me. Yes, they made me feel awful. In case you were wondering - it was things they said. For the last many hours, I had kept replaying everything in my head. I really don't like confrontation. However, after the apologies, I was a lot more at peace. I could go home and eat my spaghetti bolognaise again. Makes me feel we can continue to go on. Not that we would forget it happened, but it's really close to almost.

It was really tough 24 hours ago. Ended up messing a lot of things up, things that can't be changed. But that's life and you've got to accept it and move on.

One thing I did learn from all this is how to deliver a gracious apology though. That's how I would describe the second apology - gracious. When I mess up in the future, I would hope that my apologies would be like that how his was as well.

An apology really does help. It really does make things better.

Stay calm everyone. And stay safe. Especially when driving. Roads are quite slippery these days.

Full health.

Some of you will know that I have had a back injury recently. As a result, I was not able to bend over at all from the waist.

It's quite amazing how much that can affect you. Usually, when things dropped on the floor, I wouldn't even think but would pick it straight up. Not being able to bend from the waist meant that every time I had to pick something up from the floor, I had to bend my knees and keep my back/waist very straight to ensure it was not too excruciatingly painful. Because of that I would try to optimize picking things up to minimize the number of times needing to bend over. Driving was painful but bearable - when pressing the clutch it was just a split second of pain. But simple acts like standing up, sitting down, putting on clothes was hard. Lying in bed was the best because it wouldn't hurt.

The other hard thing is that it is not immediately noticeable to other people that I had an injury. Not that I wanted attention or anything, but because of the tape and support etc was underneath my clothing, it could not be seen normally, meaning that people would bump into me and not realize the impact it would have, nor would they realize why I was walking so slow.

Almost back to full health though. Was very excited today, could take off the back support. Yay.

Good health is something I take for granted.

I'm thankful that it is almost better and that I'm healthy most of the time.

Wishing you good health as well, and stay safe.

3 day weekends.

For the last couple of days, I've been waiting to get sick.

My body had been feeling quite weak the last couple of days. Muscles felt like a cross between a withering tree and jelly.

I've been taking the last few Fridays off to deal with some things. The 3 day weekend has helped revive a bit of energy. It's not really like me to wake up and wonder what time is it and realize I'm already ten minutes late to something twenty minutes drive away.

It's Sunday night and I did not get sick. Slightly more energized.

One thing good about the 3 day weekends is really being able to appreciate the good sunshine we have been getting. Yay for spring. Stay spring, don't bring on summer yet...

How was your weekend?

Spring is in the air.

I had a long weekend - took last Friday off.

Such a great weekend to have a long weekend. Spring is here, weather was beautiful, sun was out and the temperature was just unbelievably comfortable.

Played tennis twice. Playing tennis is good for me, mentally and physically, it's a healthy channel.

Watched quite a bit of TV - Davis Cup was on. It's still on and not over for Australia yet, due to the light issues. I'm secretly going for Switzerland though...

How are you? Send me an email, let me know - I'm actually asking.

Thankful.

At home with Julia.

There's this show on ABC called "At home with Julia". It's really the most ridiculous show ever. It's supposed to be some political satire, although at times funny, is primarily, in my opinion, idiotic. I can't believe we as a nation would stoop down this low to make fun of our PM this way. It doesn't, to me, matter what your political opinions are, the fact of the matter is, her party is ruling the country in accordance with the democracy we have, so really, will we feel better about ourselves if we make a TV show portraying her partner as a bit of a second-class loser?

Rocks on shoulders worm in head mud in stomach.

Help me hear and believe the truth when the lies are so loud.