Only Words.

I used to find it difficult to be serious. Every other sentence would be a joke or sarcastic remark. Had a couple of incidents last year in which I accidentally offended people because they didn't realize I was joking.

Times have changed. Less jokes now. Maybe it's because I just find things less funny than before. The shooting the other week in Melbourne is not funny. People intentionally harming people is not funny. People dying is not funny. Because these things happen to real people. It's not just on TV.

Or, perhaps it's because my nonsensical pal has flown off to the US for a semester. No one to argue with and talk nonsense to.

I reckon it's detrimental to the health, all this serious talk. I was a better person when I had a sense of humour.

Used to find it hard to lie too. But then, when I think about it, it's only words. Everyone lies, whether it is through their actions, intentions, or facial expressions.

I lie all the time now. To prevent trouble. To mitigate troubling situations. To prevent unncessary worry.

It's only words.

Unwell

A great song. By Matchbox Twenty. Quite an old song, remember hearing it for the first time quite a few years ago in my cousin's car in Brisbane.

"I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know, right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me

I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know, right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be."

Peace... I miss you.

731.

Those that live in or have once lived in IH may recognize this number.

I could never remember it when I lived there. Well, I didn't need it much in first year - never really locked myself out. Last year was a bit different, though.

Have been rather absent-minded lately. Have forgotten to bring my keys out with me at least four times in the last two weeks. The other day, I came back from Safeway with lots of heavy/bulky stuff. Rice, toilet paper, etc. Realized I didn't have the keys again, and no one was home. Then, for some reason, out of the blue, "731" popped into my head. A number that is rather useless now, but could've been handy a year ago.

Ironically, that day, after realizing that I had no way to get into my house and my housemates were nowhere nearby, I went to IH. Didn't exactly dial 731. Dialed 246 instead. But at least I wasn't homeless.

731. Useful then. Useless now.

Much easier to appreciate things once they are gone.

But try hard to appreciate things when they are there.

Peace Doesn't Last.

Had one day of it. Peace, that is. Had one day of peace yesterday.

It really was quite a good day. Guess I did quite a few things that I had been wanting to do for quite some time - e.g. go to the Dandenongs, visit the famous pie place, visit the famous scones place... it was a nice change from the busyness of the city, the frustrations of not being able to study, and the hecticness from people acting crazy in general =D

Of course, there were a few hiccups. We got quite lost for some time in our walk. All because we skipped a few lines in the book and ended up thinking we were at one gate when we were at another. The drive was a bit dangerous too, with all the fog. And of course, some "interesting" conversations as well. But all in all, it was a peaceful day.

But peace doesn't last. That's why people are always constantly in conflict with each other. That's why there's war in the world. That's why babies cry.

And that's why I am back to feeling guilty. Feeling like a terrible person. Feeling like I committed a crime. Because, to me, it doesn't need to be punishable by law to be a crime.

Peace doesn't last.

What You Don't Know Won't Hurt You.

Here's what I think. If there's something you think you shouldn't tell someone, then don't tell them.

This can be difficult. Kids in general, for example, have a really hard time keeping secrets. As soon as they know that something is a secret, they'll be bursting to tell someone.

Not just kids, of course. I'm sure we've all told someone something we regret.

Talking too much can be detrimental. Promises get broken. People get hurt. You end up trusting the wrong people.

Nothing good comes out of telling someone something that:
(a) They shouldn't know, or,
(b) That if they know, no one will benefit, or,
(c) That if they know, it will hurt/worry/negatively impact them.

Of course, this is all within reason. I'm sure you can think of a million examples in which this does not apply. Especially for (c). Because sometimes people just have to be hurt.

But as the saying goes, in general, what you don't know won't hurt you.

Better to keep things inside.

Seriously.

BLEVE minimization.

There was a question on the management exam today: How to minimize the likelihood of a BLEVE occuring.

A BLEVE, for those that don't know, stands for "boiling liquid expanding vapour explosion". It occurs when LPG leaks out, causing a sudden pressure drop inside the storage vessel, leading to the liquid inside to boil rapidly. This boiling leads to the formation of a significant amount of vapour, causing an overpressure in the vessel, and hence a subsequent explosion.

Many didn't understand knitting. But I'm hoping that all will agree with me that BLEVEs are dangerous?

Important to minimize the likelihood of a BLEVE. There are lots of things that could be implemented to do this. I went on and on today about the training of personnel, having stringent regulations / restricted access, minimize the amount of enclosed areas, having quality emergency systems in place... etc.

That is not the point though. The point is, there are heaps of ways you can minimize disaster.

However, just because you have eliminated one disaster, doesn't mean another isn't waiting for you right around the corner.

There is a saying. Out of the something... into the something else. Forgot what the something and something else is. Basically it's like you get yourself out a pit just to walk into fire.

Hazard identification.

Risk analysis.

Disaster minimization.

Hmm.

Happy Post

Been told that my posts aren't happy enough. No worries, I can do happy.

My intelligent friends are great sources of inspiration: Pretty sunsets, swimmming pools and pigeons..... right. Here goes:

1. Pretty Sunsets.
Pretty sunsets are great. Pretty anything is great. Pretty things make people happy.

2. Swimming Pools.
Swimming pools are great. People swim in them. Swimming produces endorphins. Endorphins make people happy.

3. Pigeons.
Pigeons are great. They eat your fish and chips. Fish and chips are bad for you. So pigeons help you stay healthy. Healthy is good. Healthy people are more likely to be happy.

Sunsets, pools and pigeons.

All good, all happy.

Surprise Supporters.

Those that go to Melbourne Uni know what lecturers there are like.

Wait, take that back. I'll just speak from an engineering student's point of view. Not sure what other courses are like, but in engineering, lectures have 150-200 students, lecturers just go in, give their 50 minute spiel three times a week, and then go out. You are lucky if they reply your email or are not rushing you out everytime you go see them for help. I'm not complaining though. I completely understand. If you have 500+ students, you don't have time to deal with everyone's issues.

I have this lecturer at uni that doesn't really fall into the norm, though. Middle of this semester, he came up to me and asked what my name was. Apparently he felt that I had a "good understanding of things". How he gathered this, I have no idea. I was asleep in the lectures more often than I was awake, and was silent in most tute classes.

He then proceeded to ask me what my average mark was. I told him, and from his response, I had the feeling that he expected something higher. He then asked me how I was going with the subject. I had been finding the subject ok, comparatively, anyway. Finally, he said that if I needed help with anything, or had anything at all I wanted to talk to him about, to go to him.

Perhaps he says that to a lot of students. Perhaps he doesn't. But the point is, it was support.

After that I did go see him a number of times. Sometimes related to the lectures. Sometimes not. Everytime, it was like a confidence booster.

Met with him again today. He remembered the mark I got for the assignment. Find that pretty amazing, as the class has 200 people. He said he would've been surprised if I had gotten any less.

Unfortunately, I will likely disappoint him in the exam tomorrow. But that's ok, not worried about that. I'm sure he's not really going to be that disappointed. I'm sure he says these things to a lot of his students. Nevertheless, I still I appreciate it. Will write to him in a few week's time to thank him.

Surprise supporters.

Supporters of any sort.

Means a lot.

Sometimes You Have To Climb Mountains.

Mountain climbing can be difficult, depending on a number of factors. Steepness is one. Weather conditions. Terrain.

Let's assume that it is an average mountain that you are climbing. Average incline, regular conditions, simple terrain, nothing too out of the ordinary. Perhaps an underestimation, but that's ok.

But you're not just walking up the mountain. No, you, for reasons unexplained, are required to carrying up some objects to the mountain top. A couple of delicate, valuable objects - objects made of fine glass. Objects that would certainly break and shatter should you lose your balance at any time.

Because you have to carry up all these objects, you had to sacrifice some supplies. Most importantly, you have almost run out of water. The drought has severely affected your mountain and you have not seen any running water in the past few days. The likelihood of you coming across any in the forseeable future is extremely low.

The interesting thing about this mountain is that there is an abundance of a particular snake, a snake with a vicious venom. Upon being bitten by the snake, a severe shot of pain shoots through your body and takes a couple of hours to fully subside. The snakebite also induces nausea and vomiting, often causing you to stumble a few steps back down the mountain everytime you are bitten.

Oh, I forgot to tell you. You have a problem. You can't see. You are blind.

That's you.

Someone comes along, and pushes you down the mountain.

There is nothing you can do.

Knitting Part II.

I'm sure most Melburnians will agree with me that it has been quite cold lately. Been down to 5 degrees most nights, and snow is not unheard of in some places in Victoria.

It is at times like this that one realizes the benefits of knitting. Knitted jumpers, scarves, beanies, socks... all these can make someone feel warm and fuzzy on an otherwise dreary, cold winter's day.

Incidentally, my grandma called the other day. Asked me whether I wanted her to knit me a jumper. Was a really nice offer, I must say. However, although I am slowly warming to the idea of knitted clothing, a jumper was a bit too full-on for me. We agreed on a scarf.

That's an aside though.

What I'm trying to get at, I don't know.

Right. I stand by the fact that knitting is dangerous. Needles could poke someone in the eye. Wool could strangle a cat. The static is a potential ignition source.

Knitting is walking straight into disaster.

But I'm cold.

Knitted jumpers help.

Life is all about compromise.

One Small Step At A Time.

It's interesting. What's obvious to some people may not be obvious to others. And this thing may be the exact thing that "other" needs to hear.

Alright. Not making sense again, I know.

An example:

I remember a time last year when I was having one of those weeks when everything was going wrong, bad news just kept coming and things just seemed like they were falling apart. Basically, I was just feeling overwhelmed. I remember someone telling me then to take one small step at a time.

I don't know. People say lots of things. A lot of the time, though, words just don't sink in. For some reason, the small steps thing really stuck with me.

Small steps. Sounds obvious right? We've all heard the saying "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step". And that story of the person who wanted to change the world. When he realized they couldn't change the world, he tried to change his country. He couldn't change his country, so he thought he would change his town. Couldn't do that either, so he tried changing his family. Finally, he decided to change himself. By changing himself, he was able to impact his family, his family could impact his town, his town his country, his country the world.

Right. Small steps. Might be obvious to you. But it is just beginning to click for me.

One step at a time.

Wonderful World.

A great song... by James Morrison

I've been down so low
People look at me and they know
They can tell something is wrong
Like I don't belong

Staring through a window
Standing outside, they're just too happy to care tonight
I want to be like them
But I'll mess it up again

I tripped on my way in
And got kicked outside, everybody saw...

And I know that it's a wonderful world
But I can't feel it right now
Well I thought that I was doing well
But I just want to cry now
Well I know that it's a wonderful world...

FINE. Steal from me.

SATURDAY.

THAT'S when I said you could steal from me.

SATURDAY.

THAT's the day I told you not to be an idiot. To come and take my laptop and my wallet.

NOT TODAY.

The week had been going up. In a somewhat exponential sort of way. By Wednesday, I felt semi-normal. Calm before a storm, right?

Why today?

Like I was saying to someone at uni the other day... It is when you are in the pits... when you feel like things can't get any worse... then bring on the bad news. When someone has just been hit by a car, gotten beat up by a dog and had a tree fall on them... that's when throwing bricks at them won't hurt.

But when things are going ok....

THEN YOU STEAL FROM ME.

#$&#$$($)$)(#$@(*&*(!!!!!!

Fine. Steal from me.

But did you have to smash up my helmet too??

Great.

Thanks.


-----


Later update:

I miss my bike. I really, really miss it.

How can someone be so attached to a few bits of metal?

I really want my bike back. I feel really handicapped at the moment, like I can't go anywhere because my bike is gone.

Should just get a new one right? Easier said than done. Bikes cost money. Spent about half my money for this month already and it's only been a week into June. Cuz on top of the bike need to also get helmet, lock, and light. Also, I don't have time to find one.

I'm going to throw something at someone very soon.

Stay away.

Mathematics.

I have been ordered to write about maths today.

That's cool. I take orders. From some people, at least. So mathematics it will be.

According to an un-namable someone, "maths is the language of the universe". Take it to mean whatever you want it to mean. Apparently it has something to do with making discoveries and building bombs. Right...

By the sounds of it, though, it seems that this person is viewing maths in a positive light. If that is the case, I would have to agree. I've always been quite the maths fan. Wouldn't go as far to say it is the universal language, but there is a certainty about it that I like. None of this arguing/debating/justifying nonsense. Because what's right is right. What's wrong is wrong.

It's also rather satifsying, that, after a whole heap of working, crossing out here, crossing out there, arrows here, arrows there, page almost ripped apart with all the rubbing out... that you can finally write "LHS=RHS" and "QED". For those that don't know, the latter is an abbreviation for "quod erat demonstrandum" - i.e. "which was necessary to be demonstrated". That's right. Being able to prove something through maths. Having something you are sure about, being certain. Can't be bad.

But doing maths all day can get a bit tiresome. All those numbers and symbols and graphs and x's and y's... one is bound to go crazy.

Sure. It's language of the universe.

But even the most talkative person in the world quietens down and goes to bed sometimes.

Good Advice. LISTEN TO IT.

Sure, people often give advice out of false motives. I'd say heaps of people do it because they want to feel superior, feel useful, or are just a general busybody and want to be in everyone else's business.

I came across someone's blog today. The owner of the blog described herself as the "advice queen". Apparently, she "loves to give advice" and "always has the answer". Look, I don't know this "advice queen". Never met her in my life. But from the way she described herself, she probably is right. She probably is quite an advice queen. The queen of bad advice.

You see, those that generally say they are good advice givers... they are the ones that are too sure of themselves, too cocky, too self-righteous to say anything useful. It's like those who say they are good listeners - they talk more about themselves than your worse chatterbox. Those that listen, those that give good advice... their actions speak for themselves.

Alright. This is an overgeneralization. This does not apply to everyone in all circumstances. I know that. I apologize to those out there in which the above does not apply.

But back to advice.

In addition to giving advice out of false motives, lots of advice is crap. I don't need to elaborate. I'm sure you can think of heaps of examples of crap advice.

I feel I am in a fortunate position though. Advice that have been given to me is generally out of sincere motives.

What's even better is that the advice is generally good.

Hm.

Good advice.

Should've listened.

You see. It is as I was telling someone the other day... When you are not thinking, you need to just accept that you can't think, and let others think for you. No one's invincible. Everyone needs help time to time.

For future reference: LISTEN TO PPL'S ADVICE.

Being Brave.

Yesterday, Kid's Alive. Part of the program was to watch a short clip from "Toy Story". Yes, connections were drawn between the show and God, but that is not the point I'm trying to get at here.

The clip started, most of the kids had seen the show before. Nevertheless, this didn't stop them from really enjoying themselves, laughing at some of the funny things that Woody said, going into hysterics when the creatures used the little orange cones to cross the road....

About 10 minutes into the clip, a little boy, maybe 4 or 5 years old, came up to me and asked when the show was going to finish, because he was scared. You could tell he was trying to be brave, trying hard to not cry, because clearly everyone else was fine. Everyone else was smiling, everyone was laughing, no one knew that this boy was terrified inside.

I knew there wasn't any point in telling him that the show is not real. That there is no need to worry because toys don't really come alive. That there is nothing to be scared of. Because when you're scared of something, you're just scared. It is not rational.

He was brave though. He said he was ok to continue watching, so long as it finished soon. I sat with him for the remainder of the show. He held back the tears.

These days, I'm learning a lot from little people.

...

What sort of person knocks someone into a ditch and doesn't help them out?
What sort of person crashes into someone's car and just speeds away?
What sort of person commits a crime and doesn't feel guilty?

The sort of pereson that needs eggs thrown at.
The sort of person that needs a good yelling.
The sort of person that needs a good beating.

The sort of person that is clearly not a person at all.

Throw eggs at me. Yell at me. Beat me up.

I reiterate. I won't resist.

Don't Be An Idiot.

Ever wanted to steal from me? Do it. Now. Seriously. Come over to my house tonight when I'm sleeping, and just take my wallet. Take my bank cards. Take my laptop. Take everything. I don't care.

Those of you that always try to copy my exams and assignments. That's right. I know who you are. Personally I don't know why you would want to copy them. It's not like I know anything. Come over, copy. Seriously, if knew the exam questions, I would glady give them to you. Whatever.

Or the times I've made you angry. And you've really wanted to throw some eggs at me. Dunk my head underwater. Run me over in your car. I won't resist.

Do whatever you want to me now. I will cooperate. There will be no resistance.

Take advantage of my current state of my mind. You would be an idiot not to.

I can't breathe.