As Long As Someone Is Happy.

It is not even June yet. Winter has not even officially arrived. Yet I am sitting at home, wearing two jumpers, two pairs of socks and a beanie. Oh, I was wearing gloves just now as well. Took them off when I realized they didn't go too well with typing.

In addition. Was coughing quite a bit this morning.

It is the weather.

It's ok though. The cold is good for Melbourne. The rain is, at least. Rain makes Melbourne happy.

As long as someone is happy.

The Call.

Received a call today.

A call just to see how things were going. Not because they needed something. A call with no strings attached. No ulterior motives.

Meant a lot.

Thanks.

Knitting.

Different people de-stress in different ways. Some run. Some swim. Some watch chick flicks.

Others knit.

Nothing wrong with knitting. In fact, in light of the recent weather conditions, I would say knitting is a rather practical pasttime. If anyone would like to knit me a scarf, I wouldn't resist.

Although, I'd say, doing so would be walking right into a hole. Knitting in general, that is. Not specifically knitting someone a scarf.

What people don't understand is that knitting is a rather dangerous activity. The better you are at it, the more furiously the two needles move and the greater the chance that those sharp things will kill someone. The static from the wool is a potential ignition source. A cat could run into the wool, get tangled up and choke. The frustration associated with knitting is so great that it could render even Rapunzel bald.

Knitting is a potential for disaster.

Why run straight into what is clearly going to be a disaster? Why embrace temptation?

...

Because it feels good.

Sometimes people just need to feel good.

Sure, make it about you.

That's right. That's what people do.

Millions of examples.

A: "I'm really upset.... my uncle died last week."
B: "I understand exactly how you feel. When I was five years old, I had a goldfish that died... it broke my heart and I couldn't go to school for a week because I was so upset... then the teacher came and gave me an ice cream etc etc..."

Or...

A: "I'm really upset, I just broke up with my boyfriend."
B: "That's terrible. What happened?! Did you see it coming? Who broke up with who..." ...(after a long interrogation session) ..." Oh, remember that I'm always here for you. If you need someone to rant to, someone to talk to, I'm always ready to listen."

Or...

A: "B looks upset. I wonder if it is because I....."

Right. Because the world revolves around you. The sun rises and sets everyday just for you. Everyone lives and breathes just for you.

Sure, make it about you.

Uni.

My previous posts have been of topics that recently have plagued my thoughts, consumed my time, and been critical in terms of influencing my recent behaviour. But to mark the beginning of SWOTVAC, I thought it would be appropriate to write about something that has surprisingly taken up a very small portion of my time, and almost none of my thoughts. Something that has taken a ridiculously low priority in my life. Uni.

Ran into a friend near the Ballileu today. She asked me if I was going to the library. I told her, no, actually I was going to the bookroom to buy dividers. She responds, in disbelief, "Dividers?!?! At this time in the semester?!" It was only then it really dawned to me how uni for me this semester is beyond repair.

Finding it difficult to care though. It's not like I'm going to be a doctor. Med students need to study. They need to know their stuff. They need to know their stuff so as not to kill people. But apparently I don't need to use any of this stuff in industry.

Hm. Most people take breaks from studying. I use studying to take a break from the rest of life.

Right. Of course, it is important that I don't fail. But the thing is, I won't fail.

So life is good. Life is wonderful. Everything is under control.

The Trees Talk to Me.

They really do.

I have a favourite tree at uni. It's the huge tree outside Wilson's Hall - at the building's northeast corner, just above the steps. I love it's size. Makes me feel.... safe. This tree is marvelous in the autumn, the leaves are really beautiful. The colours aren't particularly astounding - it is just the regular, orange/brown colour that you would expect of many trees in the autumn. Nevertheless, the tree is always there - peaceful, just doing it's thing, creating a creating a beautiful image against the otherwise rather ordinary looking buildings in the background.

Often times, I would walk past this tree, and if I was not having the best of days, it would make me feel better. It's a bit like looking at some of my photos of places I've been to. Sometimes, looking at a photo of a mountain I've climbed at a time when I was feeling at ease just makes me feel peaceful. Likewise, this tree calms me down.

But this tree that I love so much was mocking me this week. For the first time ever, the tree hurled insults at me when I walked by.

It wasn't just this tree. The whole lane of trees on the road as you go into uni from Swanston St, with the Richard Berry building on your left and the Elizabeth Murdoch building on the right... they were making fun of me too.

That was earlier this week.

Perhaps the trees have calmed down a bit in the last few days. Or, perhaps I'm getting better. Because, today the trees decided to smile at me instead. I saw many trees today, and instead of mocking me, yelling at me and calling me names, they told me all sorts of nice things.

The trees talk to me.

Manners and flirtations.

Manners. That is something I'm grateful to my parents for. At least, I would like to believe that I have half-decent manners.

I remember when I was young, Mum would always tell me to greet aunty and uncles. Aunty and uncles as in family friends, in addition to relies. She would tel me how important it is to say "jo sun" and "sek fan" at the appropriate times. To use their names. "Hi", apparently is not good enough - it must be "Ye Ye Jo Sun" or "Sek fan, Ma Ma". Thought it was a bit excessive then, wasn't particularly used to it, but manners are important.

A simple thanks means a lot. An apology when apology is required. Taking what is yours and not always trying to find ways to take more. Grace.

Moving on.

Small point - to my commenter: readership now is approximately four. Be careful with comments, i.e. don't post your detailed plans to strangle any people here, for fear that a couple of people may find out and expose you to the world. All other comments welcomed, though. Even if it reveals your appalling taste in actors.

Rightio.

Flirting. I can't stand it. Can't stand how two otherwise rather normal people turn themselves into fools. How it makes otherwise rather rational people lose their minds. If you're going to do it, at least do it in private, without putting on a show for the rest of the world.

Hoping that this perception is temporary, haven't always felt this way. Again, I take full reponsibility for these feelings. Not their fault. Flirting is not a bad thing. It is a good thing. Some would say it is essential in terms of beginning a relationship.

Nevertheless, I am going to throw something at someone soon.

Irony.

Irony. The world is full of it.

An example.

There are some people that you just expect you can count on. I suppose that this in itself is a fallacy - why should anyone be expected such a thing? It is my strong belief that people are selfish. Inherently not caring about anyone but themselves.

But back to irony. It is exactly the people that you expect that you can count on, that generally let you down. Sure, they have good intentions. Probably would rarely purposely hurt anyone. But that just doesn't cut it sometimes.

Then there are those people that just surprise you. In a good way. Those that perhaps you haven't seen in a long time, haven't heard from in ages, or someone who you may not have known very well in the first place. Sometimes in my darkest moments, I feel like I have been sent some random angel to save me. And for that I'm grateful.

But that doesn't still change the fact that there are some people I just want to give up on.

Splitting Headache.

I have a splitting headache. One that I can't get rid of.

I know the cause of it. But there's nothing I can do about it, except to wait for it to pass. I don't know how much longer I can wait.

I have been advised to disappear for awhile. To get away from Melbourne, but in particular, and I quote, "stay away from anyone that has even the slightest possibility of causing you to go insane". The latter is not really possible. That would be almost (but not quite) everyone. Not by their own merit of course. I take full responsibility. Yet at the moment, it is something I can't change.

An alternate outlet.

One goal I set this week was to find an alternate outlet. It appeared that I needed to find a replacement for posting things on Facebook.

I thought of writing things up, printing it out, and putting it in a box. That has not worked. It's not the same, as I don't put the same effort into stringing together sentences and actually thinking through my thoughts, as I know no one will read it.

Then again, I don't need the world to know what I think. I just need one reader. That is sufficient for me to put in the effort of trying to make sentences that make sense. Facebook was available, and therefore I utilized it. Today, I was told that letting the world know my "raw emotions", despite not specifying particulars, might not be the best idea. I appreciate that advice. Thanks.

This is now the alternate outlet. I'll see how well it works. Right now, it'll be just me and my one reader. The one who recommended this site to me. Then perhaps I'll slowly let the world in.

Perhaps I could fiddle with the settings. Make it look pretty. Put in some profile info, put in a chatbox or something. Right now that's not important though. Just need to have a space where I can say things easily.

Let's see how well this alternate outlet works.