I received a long but interesting email today. Quoting bits and pieces I can strongly identify/agree with:
"Fall in love. I didn't say 'be loved'. That requires too much compromise. If one changes one's looks, personality and values, one can be loved by anyone. Rather, I exhort you to love another human being. It may seem odd for me to tell you this. You may expect it to happen naturally, without deliberation. That is false. Modern society is anti-love. We've taken a microscope to everyone to bring out their flaws and shortcomings. It far easier to find a reason not to love someone, than otherwise. Rejection requires only one reason. Love requires complete acceptance. It is hard work – the only kind of work that I find palatable... Despite popular culture, love doesn't happen by chance, at first sight, across a crowded dance floor. It grows slowly, sinking roots first before branching and blossoming. It is not a silly weed, but a mighty tree that weathers every storm.... You will find, that when you have someone to love, that the face is less important than the brain, and the body is less important than the heart. You will also find that it is no great tragedy if your love is not reciprocated. You are not doing it to be loved back. Its value is to inspire you."
There's not much about the 21st Western ideas of falling in love that I really identify or agree with. I believe you cannot help who you fall in love with, but I also believe that you can choose to love anyone. It is not easy (just like my choosing not to hate), but I believe it can be done.
It can be done because loving someone is not a feeling. Loving someone is a choice. Loving someone is an attitude, a way of living. None of this butterflies in stomach, can't get you out of my head nonsense. Why? Because while exciting and fun at the time, it doesn't last. Ask those with experience. Ask those that have had their heartbroken not once, not twice, but multiple times believing in those lies.
Those that believe those lies often end up apart.
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1 comment:
Thanks heaps for the catch-up. You can't imagine how liberated I've become since that day. I'm so happy :). I've found that dating someone who has had their heart broken many times has lead to a balanced, healthy approach to relationships. We both make sure we maintain our support networks and function outside our relationship for the most part.
Lots of love! Ev!
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