Dec 22, '09 - Part B

I realized I have more to say. Been lacking in words lately but maybe now it's coming together.

Help me help you. Help others help you. Make it easier for them to help you, because someone wants to. I know it's hard.

For me, I've found it hard when I feel people don't have time, or when they don't seemingly don't care. Or perhaps they have enough problems. But I guess a lot of the time people seem "too busy" or "don't care" simply because they don't know. They don't it's hard, they don't know it's painful. I know it's not easy to say it hurts, it's not easy to say, "Hey, I've really had a bad day" or "Hey, I really need you to talk to me right now". But do it, because chances are, if you keep looking, you'll find someone out there and it'll make things better.

Help others help you. Help me help you.

I want to help.

Dec 22, '09

Someone at work said to me today, "Hope Santa brings you something nice for Christmas.... something nice and muscular".

Can't believe it's almost Christmas. Everyday at work probably for the last week or so I have been thinking to myself, can't believe it. The year is almost gone. Uni seemed so long ago.

Interesting things happen.

Quick note to all commenters

Thanks for your comments (regardless of the means the comments are communicated).

=]

Dec 18, '09

Loud people scare me sometimes. Makes me feel uncomfortable. Often times, I feel myself no longer being engaged in the conversation and just observing the loud, dominating voices and hand gestures. I feel like maybe they may be scared too. And while I express it through stuttering and nervous laughter, they might do it through putting people down and making racist jokes.

I guess at the end of the day, a lot of us struggle inside.

Dec 15, '09

No more anger. No more hate. Just exasperation.
Thanks for reminding me, once again, why I shouldn't just trust anyone.

Dec 9, '09

It's been an interesting day. On the way to work this morning, I went to get coffee. I thought I'd be different and try a different place - it ended up being closed, so I went somewhere else, which was also closed. It took me a bit of a detour to get a coffee, finally, which then proceeded to spill onto my car. Somehow I eventually managed to get to work, only to find I had misplaced my work keys. I was too early so was locked outside. Eventually I got in and spent about an hour trying to work with IT people in Singapore to get me onto my computer with my keycard. By about 8:30am I had been asked three time whether something was going on. It's one of those things that if the day starts of frustrating, every little frustrating things just get magnified.

When I realize I'm just frustrating myself, I find the best thing to do is to get away from the computer and interact with other people. Went onto the field and learned a few things, then had some couple of discussions about a couple upcoming risks associated with my unit. By 5pm, things were looking less grey.

At night, someone's generosity gave me a delicious three course meal. It ended up being 5 courses as the main course and dessert was shared.

I also got an invitation to go to someone's place for Christmas today. I was so surprised. It was so out of the blue, and it was very kind. Opened my email and it was something along the lines of "If you're not doing anything for Christmas, come over to my place and spend it with my family, it's not a problem at all. It's bad enough that you're cold at home, but if you're cold and lonely, that's unbearable." Don't know him that well, so probably won't take up the offer, but I was really quite amazed for a few minutes. I guess I don't see or at least recognize such random acts of kindess very often these days.

Zzz....

Ring ring. How can I help you?

I feel that very small acts on one person's part could translate into tremendous help/benefit to someone else.

Perhaps you can look beyond yourself today and try, just for a second, see what you can do, to many someone's life just that tiny bit better today.

... and perhaps you can tell me what I could do, to help bring one more smile to your day.

Good evening, reader.

How are you going? I probably haven't heard from you in awhile. Send me an email. I want to hear from you, but sometimes it is hard keeping in touch with everyone. People tend to be busy, which is why I hesitate getting in touch with people, yourself included, probably.

Hope to talk to you soon.

Regards,
Kei

Nov 23, '09

Missing you like crazy just thinking about having you gone.
They told me it gets easier with time. It doesn't.

I wish it didn't have to come to this.

Nov 29, '09

Sometimes it's not that unbearable. Sometimes you can even crack a smile over it.

But when the world stops around you and there is a quiet moment late at night, in the dark of your room, you remember. You remember how much it hurt, you remember the pain. The images, the words, the memories.

... and then you look down at your chest, and you see your heart still bleeding.

Nov 21, 09

"When I can't feel you, I have learned to reach out just the same
When I can't hear you, I know you still hear every word I pray
And I want you more than I want to live another day
And as I wait for you maybe I'm made more faithful"
- Brooke Fraser

Encouragement in the form of 2 flat whites and a good conversation.

I thank God for pulling me out of two low moods today.
Every time someone or something pulls me out means one less time in the hole.

Thanks =)

8/11/09 for 13/11/09.

The 2009 International To Write Love on Her Arm Day (TWLOHA) in on Nov 13. TWLOHA is a non-profit movement dedicated to helping the millions of people out there battling with depression, addiction, self-injury and suicide.

In support of this, on Nov 13, thousands of people around the world will be writing "LOVE" on their arms in support and to help raise awareness of this potentially deadly illness.

For more information, see:

http://www.twloha.com

http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/event.php?eid=131785654130&index=1%20

You never know, you could be supporting a friend or family member.

And if you it's you that needs the support, I'll be there supporting you (probably unknowingly), as will thousands of other people in the world.

Because dying's just not worth it.

Nov 5, '09

Facebook is having some strange functions these days.

E.g. I'm not really getting this "like" of statuses. What does it exactly mean? I think I had a ranting status and I got a few "likes". Does that mean they are glad I am ranting or that they feel like ranting too?

E.g. "Suggesting friends" for friends because they only have x friends. That's the most ridiculous thing ever. Seriously. As if Facebook friends are real.

I'm not complaining though. I just think it's strange. The creators of Facebook must have their own reasons, I'm sure, but I don't get them.

It is Friday tomorrow. Yay, yay and YAY.

Cup Day, '09.

I had waited for this day for a long time. Ever since probably around Queen's Birthday earlier this year.

It was a good day. Paid no attention to horses, but after a few conversations I've had with my housemate, maybe I should try my luck next year. Hm, shouldn't be greedy.

Caught up with a few friends. Had some good conversations. Had a good dinner at a place I'd never tried before in Fitzroy. Oh, and had the best ride home ever. There was just the right amount moisture in the air from after the rain and just a slight breeze. Fantastic.

Back to work tomorrow. And the day after. And the day after that. Sighhhhhhh.

Christmas, Christmas, please come sooner.

Oct 29, '09

I saw your photo and I suddenly remembered those feelings. They haven't died away - they're just as strong. I just have better things to do these days so I don't ponder on it. But it's still there. Quite amazed at my ability to feel such strong feelings. If only we could capture that energy and put it in some electricity grid. Not really a renewable energy, but anything to help with this Climate Change issue.

It was really warm today. I was walking outside this afternoon and I started to dread summer. Hopefully no more 45C days. Otherwise I will be living at work where air conditioning exists.

Lots of people I know finishing uni in the next few weeks. Hang in there - the end actually is now rapidly approaching. Things only get better after uni =)

It's almost the end of the year. Next year, we'll be living "in the tens". Many of us will get to live in the '20s too. How exciting.

Bring on the funky clothing and music.

Oct 28, '09

I think it's important when people approach people not to assume everything is fine/norm. e.g. They could be very very busy because there's urgent things happening.

On the other hand it's also good if people acknowledge your existence once in awhile. Just to check the heart's pumping and air is going through those lungs.

To be well-supported...

Tomorrow will be a new day.

Oct 25, '09

Anxiety. Worry. Greed.

The passage today was from Luke, and one of the verses was, "Take care! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; for one's life does not consist in the abundance of posessions".

The most obvious thing this passage refers to is money. Most of us are in some way or another slaves to money. It's difficult not to be though - it's all around us. The false promises of the lottery. Obessions with the share market. The long hours we work is for some of us indirectly or directly related to the love of money.

It's not just money we're greedy about though. Many of us are greedy about all sorts of things. Relationships, family, the future. And with that greed comes worry.

There is no end to the things that we could worry about. Am I in the right course? Is this something I really want to do? Upon graduating, will I be able to get a job? Once I get the job, can I keep it? When will I get a promotion? Will I get married? Once I get married, will my spouse cheat on me? Will we be able to have children? Will we be able to raise them properly? What about retirement? How far will my superannuation go?

There is no end to the things that we could worry about - that is the human condition.

Worrying doesn't achieve anything. Especially worrying about these things. The problem is, all these things don't satisfy. Or, at least, they satisfy for a period of time. Until you get bored. Until you develop new hobbies. Until a natural disaster strikes. Until the Global Financial Crisis. Until a loved one dies. Until circumstances change and you can't go on.

I struggle sometimes with the above. Actually, reprhase. I struggle a lot of the times with the above. But through everything, I do know I believe in something beyond this. I believe in something eternal. I believe in it, not because it makes me "feel good" (in fact, it makes me feel bad quite a lot of the times) nor because it I want to create some sort of meaning in my life. No, I believe in it because I have read the Word of God, and have been convinced both through historical evidence and personal experience of Christ living in me, that the words in there are true and living.

It is easy to mess up. It is easy to think something else will satisfy. It doesn't.

Tonight, it is my absolute, deepest, most sincere prayer, that you will be able to find it too, and live a life free of anxiety, rather a life abundant and rich, experiencing the love of the everlasting God.

Gotcha Call

For those like me that drive to work half asleep in the morning, I would recommend listening to Fox FM if you happen to be driving around 7:45am. There's a show that cheers me up quite a bit - Matt Tilley's Gotcha Calls. Basically, listeners of the show tell Matt, the radio host, of someone they want him to prank call, and Matt prank calls them with some info he has about them. This morning he was a Catholic priest, yesterday a representative from the Portuguese society, the day before someone from the Animal Cruelty.

It's really a funny show. It's especially funny when the person finds out that it was a prank (although one time someone figured it out before it was revealed).

It provides me with a guaranteed smile. For at least a few minutes of the day.

Highly recommend.

Pass the butter, please.

I was waiting around at the microwave for my leftover noodles to heat up when my colleague, who was putting together a toastie sandwich, said to me, "I've thrown out the ham as per your recommendations."

It was only after I paused, looked at him and repeated his sentence that he realized how strange it sounded.

Who speaks like that? Us, apparently. Have to be careful not to formalize my language too much. It can come off at best, strange, at worse, cold and distant.

Later, gator?