Until next time, Summer.

It was a cool summer's day that ended Melbourne's hot season this time around, giving Melburnians just a taste of what is to come in the coming months. As the Bureau predicted, the skies drizzled just that little bit, enough just so the sweet smell of rain could penetrate through.

I personally love autumn; it is my favourite season. I missed most of it last year; this year, I hope it will be different. It can sometimes be difficult to see as the lenses of brokeness give way. However, this year, this season, I will endeavour to treasure the beautiful autumn afternoon light and witness the glorious colour transformations.

Thanks for the assurance of something certain.

Or

Maybe it's the wind
Maybe it'll be better after the showers have passed
Maybe it's the fact that I was sick
Maybe it's because the virus has just gone home

Here in this world but apart from the body
Floating, disconnected, observing
Not there

Someone give me a push, someone shout
Reconnect my mind to my brain, reconnect my soul to my heart

Until then, not a word out of my mouth
For fear I explode
In words of
Anger
____

@$!!##!!#

Feb 21, 2010

Maybe it's the heat
Maybe it'll be better from this afternoon when the cool change comes.
Maybe it's the fact that I'm still sick
Maybe it'll be better when the virus goes home

Here in this world but apart from the body
Floating, disconnected, observing
Not there

Someone give me a push, someone shout
Reconnect my mind to my brain, reconnect my soul to my heart

Until then, not a word out of my mouth
For fear I explode
In words of
Anger

Feb 16, 2010

My family puts a lot of emphasis on celebrations/traditions/etc. e.g. Birthdays - we always, always call as a minimum. My grandparents would worry if they did not get a card from my dad on their birthday. It's like, if someone's that rarely late was one day late, you might get worried. It can be a bit extreme, but it's also nice.

It was Chinese New Year last Sunday.

The wine was green.

It tasted like red wine, but it was the colour of dying algae. Mine was served in a champagne glass, the girl next to me had hers served in a standard red wine glass.

I remember the wine vividly because it was what I stared at, played with, and eventually downed, when I'd found out where'd you gone. The girl next to me comforted me as I started running images of you leaving the table, goign to humiliate yourself. She poured me another glass of wine.

Another girl, one who was being celebrated that evening, and had been up on stage, she came and asked if everything was ok. I guess it appeared that things weren't.

I can't remember how the wine tasted.

Feb 12, 2010

The pressure builds, or so it seems
Expectations so high, at least at the time
It hurts so much but I don't know why

I've been blaming it on others
The earthquake far east, the cat that died
It hurts so much but I don't know why

I've been told it's not meant to be like this
I force myself from the hiding place of mine
It hurts so much but I don't know why

Stop the words
Keep away
It hurts too much that I cannot stay


___

It's been hard...

Over the last few days, I've been a bit sick.

Symptoms include being slightly feverish, sore throat, muscle pains, etc. Must be some sort of cold/flu thing.

I thought I was getting better but now it seems to be getting worse again. I realized it first this evening at dinner. I was at a Japanese restaurant and I realized the noodles were tasteless. It was beyond the normal "blandness" of food, it just completely tasted like nothing. Thinking it was a really strange occurence, I asked my dinner companion to taste the noodles. After a bit of a taste test we conducted on noodles, rice and the green tea, the conclusion was my taste buds have gone a bit wonky. I'm guessing it links in with the sickness.

You might not think not being able to taste is not the end of the world, and it really isn't, but I was just really fascinated how I could completely not taste the food that was entering into my mouth. I could smell it, and remember what it should taste like, but it was just... beyond bland.

It's not pleasant when it hurts too much to swallow, hurts too much to cough. Feel hungry but don't actually want to eat because it hurts.

I can't believe how bad I feel. I can't remember feeling this sick in awhile. I guess I take good health for granted.

I hope it goes away soon. Just like I hope a lot of other inconveniences will just go away.

Feb 3, 2010

Someone asked me how I was today.
As in really asked.

I was caught by surprise.
I hadn't been asked that in awhile.
I guess I missed it.
I guess I need it.

Makes unbearable things hard.
Makes hard things just that bit easier.

It is sometimes difficult when the conversation is one-sided.
Especially difficult when I need help too.

I'll keep trying.