$3.20

Yesterday, I was written a cheque. A rather generous cheque, I must say. It came to a grand total of $3.20. The story behind why I was given this cheque is a bit long, so I won't bother. But, let's just attribute it to someone's overwhelming generosity =D

This morning, I went to the bank to cash the cheque. The teller, after punching in the numbers and fiddling about with whatever else she does on her computer, tells me that it will take approximately three working days for the cheque to come through. She looks at the cheque again, then chuckles.

Guessing what was implied behind the chuckle, I said to her, "Don't worry, I think I can live with $3.20 for three days." She then goes, "You can buy a lot with $3.20! You could get a coffee!" I then say, "Turn over the cheque." She turns over the cheque, and right there is a-oh-so-artistic drawing of a steaming cup of coffee. She reads, "A cup of coffee - to Kei".

The teller bursts out laughing. She can't stop laughing for at least 20 seconds. She says something a long the lines of, "What are the chances??? Wow! Someone actually wrote you a cheque for that...?!?! So sweet!"

Hahaha. It's only just after midday, but I must say, that little experience with the whole being given the cheque thing, and then cashing it through and cracking up the bank teller made my day.

Thanks, matey. =)

Pray.

A few friends performed a song last week by Third Day, called "When the Rain Comes". Part of it goes a bit like this:

I can't stop the rain
From falling down on you again
I can't stop the rain
But I will hold you 'til it goes away

Before the songw as sung, one of the performers said something along the lines of "Many of us have friends that are going through difficult times, and we don't know how to help them. But take heart, be encouraged, just keep being there."

It is difficult not knowing knowing how to help. What makes it impossible is when the realization comes that, asides from being ears to listen, there's nothing you can do.

I'll always be here to listen. I'll always be here to nod and pretend things will be ok, even when we both think they won't. I'll always be there, to sit with you, and listen to the rain.

But... somehow.. I don't think it's enough.

And thus I shall pray.

I haven't prayed for a very, very long time. It's because I feel God doesn't listen to me. But then again, who am I to expect God to listen? And perhaps he has, perhaps I just haven't been very open. Regardless, I will pray. I wll try. It's the least I can do. Maybe God will listen this time, if it's praying for someone else.

For me, I live for the 5 seconds of the day in which it's not utter horror. For me, I live for the 5 seconds of the day that I see notice the sun shining. For me, I live for the 5 seconds of the day that someone makes me smile.

Sure, that's 15 seconds only.... but that's 15 seconds more than none.

I wish the same for you.
I hope the same for you.
I pray the same for you.

October 23, 2008

... why?

Unexplainable.
Not understandable.

NoT.aGaiN.

sighs.

No questions asked.

People have been telling me that recently that I have really good friends. It's not that I disagree - I know it for a fact. Knowing it and feeling it can be different though. Sometimes, something really small can make me feel it...

There's an unlimited number of ways to show friendship and care; similarly, it can be received and interpereted in a multitude of ways. For me, someone making time for me is very important, as well as someone asking (actually asking, not just polite asking) how things are. My closest friends are generally those I have spent an excessive amount of time with (in a good way :) ) and those that I can actually talk slightly beyond how good or the bad the weather is.

As for "feeling" the friendship...

The other day, I needed to know something quite desperately. It was a bit of an emergency. I called up a friend and asked for something rather out of the blue and I'm sure, a bit curious. What really, really meant a lot to me was that this friend, despite not knowing the context and the situation, without anyone questions asked, helped me to find the answer straigth away. There was none of this wanting to knwo the story / finding out the gossip / ulterior secret motives junk. It was a, no questions asked, I believe this is important information you need right now, and did something that meant a lot to me.

Another example. A little while ago, a friend of mine had to make a decision on the spot. Again, out of the blue, I gave a 2 second opinion - there was, once again, no time to ask questions, but surprisingly, the friend decided to take the advice on board, no questions asked. Afterwards, I did go about justifying my opinion, and, fortunately, was an opinion that this person agreed with but was previously unaware of, and thus, it worked out in the end. While I'm glad it worked out, it was a time when I "felt" friendship - in this, "no questions asked" situation.

I am, by no means, saying that this is easy. In fact, for myself, it is very difficult for me not to ask questions. There's only a very select few people that, if they told me I should jump off the ship (say because a giant boulder was falling on top of the ship but i didnt realize), I would actually do it. I have been told I need to learn to trust easier by many people.

Not all friendships can be saved. Some friendships, even if saving is possible, really just aren't worth the effort. I am thankful for the friends I have out there that I can count on. Not count on in every way - that's too much to ask for a single mortal being, but even in the small ways, such as the "no questions asked" ways, - thanks.

Raindrops forming.

Not the pretty kind.
Not the kind that forms rainbows after.
Not the kind that gives the nice smell of rain after.

The kind that leads to thunder, the kind that leads to a storm.
The kind that destroys buildings, kills people, breaks apart homes.

Dark clouds forming.
Walk in the rain, jump in the puddles.
Splish, splash, splish, splosh...

October 6, 2008.

Kate Miller-Heidke. I'm her latest fan. I enjoyed her songs more than Colbie's.

Motivation levels - low to non-existent.

Things I look forward to: Buying a new camera (an aside - war between Nikon and Canon still on, so if anyone has particular inclinations either way, suggestions would be appreciated), finishing red blood cells forever, finishing MBR forever, the last thing.... is .. a secret.

Needing some words of wisdom, a couple of punches, and someone to boss me around, make all my decisions for me and tell me exactly what to do.

DEAL.

A or B.

A or B. C or D. No one really cares. No one really minds. IT'S ALL LETTERS OF THE ALPHABET.

1 or 2. 3 or 4. NO ONE CARES. GET OVER IT.

$@*&(!!