Out of the blue.

"He what?!?!"

Should I call? Should I not? I want to call. But it's a bit out of the blue. He'll think it's strange. It might be a bit awkward.

Should I call? Should I not? I want to call.

A few hours later, I pick up the phone and call.

"Hello?" A woman picks up.

I want to hang up. I identify myself and force myself to ask for him. I hadn't met her before.

"Hello?" ... and the conversation starts. It lasted a couple of minutes.

It ended with "thanks very much for your concern."

Afterwards, I was so, extremely relieved I called. Do you ever get that? When you wonder for ages whether something is a good idea, then just relieved because you know for sure you did the right thing?

Sigh of relief. On multiple fronts.

He's ok.

Lesson learned (actually not lesson learned, but lesson reinforced): Err on the side of showing you care, even if it risks appearing strange. Don't assume someone else will do it. Someone else might not. And that could lead to very bad places. And that is something is not worth risking.

Come again?

I wish you'd told me what you were about to say.

I would have stopped all that I was doing, turn to you, give you my full attention, and try my very hardest to put into my memory every detail of that moment.

But I didn't see it coming, you just spoke, and 5 seconds later, I understood what the jist of the message was but couldn't remember how it was actually said. Couldn't replay it in my head if I wanted to.

Made my day, week.. and just about month.

I'm sure you (the reader) have those moments as well sometimes. I hope you have another one soon. It's pretty awesome. Makes you feel things are worth it.

And all of a sudden, I'm a little bit angry.

Maybe it's not enough sleep. Perhaps that sparked it.

We've had some discussions at work about anger lately. It's more anger in the context of frustration. One of the leaders has been telling us that if someone starts getting angry at you, let them know it's making you uncomfortable, and if they don't respond positively, walk away right then and there. Give them some time to calm down, then go back and work things out. A lot of the times it's not personal (although not always), and often it's because they've frustrated, have worked long hours, multiple days in the row and are tired (not that it justifies anything).

Good advice. Except it works on the assumption that after they've calmed down, you can go back, have a rational conversation, work things through and move on. Probably move on to the next crisis or topic of concern, but either way, move on.

In my experience, I can calm down, forget about things, but not enough sleep (or whatever it is) can re-spark the anger and out of nowhere there's this massive fire inside about to burn.. very slowly.. slow glowing embers but destructive all the same.

At work, we say "Be safe. Stay calm. Have fun."

I am calm.

Just calmly angry.