Oct 29, '09

I saw your photo and I suddenly remembered those feelings. They haven't died away - they're just as strong. I just have better things to do these days so I don't ponder on it. But it's still there. Quite amazed at my ability to feel such strong feelings. If only we could capture that energy and put it in some electricity grid. Not really a renewable energy, but anything to help with this Climate Change issue.

It was really warm today. I was walking outside this afternoon and I started to dread summer. Hopefully no more 45C days. Otherwise I will be living at work where air conditioning exists.

Lots of people I know finishing uni in the next few weeks. Hang in there - the end actually is now rapidly approaching. Things only get better after uni =)

It's almost the end of the year. Next year, we'll be living "in the tens". Many of us will get to live in the '20s too. How exciting.

Bring on the funky clothing and music.

Oct 28, '09

I think it's important when people approach people not to assume everything is fine/norm. e.g. They could be very very busy because there's urgent things happening.

On the other hand it's also good if people acknowledge your existence once in awhile. Just to check the heart's pumping and air is going through those lungs.

To be well-supported...

Tomorrow will be a new day.

Oct 25, '09

Anxiety. Worry. Greed.

The passage today was from Luke, and one of the verses was, "Take care! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; for one's life does not consist in the abundance of posessions".

The most obvious thing this passage refers to is money. Most of us are in some way or another slaves to money. It's difficult not to be though - it's all around us. The false promises of the lottery. Obessions with the share market. The long hours we work is for some of us indirectly or directly related to the love of money.

It's not just money we're greedy about though. Many of us are greedy about all sorts of things. Relationships, family, the future. And with that greed comes worry.

There is no end to the things that we could worry about. Am I in the right course? Is this something I really want to do? Upon graduating, will I be able to get a job? Once I get the job, can I keep it? When will I get a promotion? Will I get married? Once I get married, will my spouse cheat on me? Will we be able to have children? Will we be able to raise them properly? What about retirement? How far will my superannuation go?

There is no end to the things that we could worry about - that is the human condition.

Worrying doesn't achieve anything. Especially worrying about these things. The problem is, all these things don't satisfy. Or, at least, they satisfy for a period of time. Until you get bored. Until you develop new hobbies. Until a natural disaster strikes. Until the Global Financial Crisis. Until a loved one dies. Until circumstances change and you can't go on.

I struggle sometimes with the above. Actually, reprhase. I struggle a lot of the times with the above. But through everything, I do know I believe in something beyond this. I believe in something eternal. I believe in it, not because it makes me "feel good" (in fact, it makes me feel bad quite a lot of the times) nor because it I want to create some sort of meaning in my life. No, I believe in it because I have read the Word of God, and have been convinced both through historical evidence and personal experience of Christ living in me, that the words in there are true and living.

It is easy to mess up. It is easy to think something else will satisfy. It doesn't.

Tonight, it is my absolute, deepest, most sincere prayer, that you will be able to find it too, and live a life free of anxiety, rather a life abundant and rich, experiencing the love of the everlasting God.

Gotcha Call

For those like me that drive to work half asleep in the morning, I would recommend listening to Fox FM if you happen to be driving around 7:45am. There's a show that cheers me up quite a bit - Matt Tilley's Gotcha Calls. Basically, listeners of the show tell Matt, the radio host, of someone they want him to prank call, and Matt prank calls them with some info he has about them. This morning he was a Catholic priest, yesterday a representative from the Portuguese society, the day before someone from the Animal Cruelty.

It's really a funny show. It's especially funny when the person finds out that it was a prank (although one time someone figured it out before it was revealed).

It provides me with a guaranteed smile. For at least a few minutes of the day.

Highly recommend.

Pass the butter, please.

I was waiting around at the microwave for my leftover noodles to heat up when my colleague, who was putting together a toastie sandwich, said to me, "I've thrown out the ham as per your recommendations."

It was only after I paused, looked at him and repeated his sentence that he realized how strange it sounded.

Who speaks like that? Us, apparently. Have to be careful not to formalize my language too much. It can come off at best, strange, at worse, cold and distant.

Later, gator?

I was walking down the street.

I saw restaurants, I saw shops
I glanced one way and there were people smiling
I glanced another and saw the poor begging

Someone struggling with remember his PIN at the ATM
Another exasperated as his dog makes another one of his messes
Yet another in his own world, head down, bobbing to his earphones

Street lights flickering about
Sounds of cars whizzing by
Gusts of wind

I have almost walked to the end of the section
When I realize I have not thought about you once

For once, the smells from the restaurant did not remind of the food we once shared
For once, the dog didn't remind me of how your hair looks in the morning
For once, the gust of wind didn't remind me of how you used to keep me warm

And then, I realized, there I was again, thinking of you.
And then, I realized, it will still be a very long time, before I can walk down any street, without having your face on everything I see, feel, touch, hear.

I hope you are well.

Sept 23, '09

What??

The meter.

At work there is this analyzer.
A meter.
Whatever you like to call the device that takes measurements.

Something different each reading.
and it works.
like a sine graph it brings 0 up to 1.

But each night the frequency decreases.
and it brings you up faster.
but down faster.
and it's the sort of function that keeps getting smaller.

Tonight it is 1.
Tomorrow night it is 0.99.
Then 0.95.
But every night it brings you back to 0.

Then one day, it doesn't go up to 1.
One day, it stays at 0.
One day, it flat lines.
The meter is not broken, it is indeed 0.

Not going to be able to make it.

14/9/09.

Women's tennis doesn't interest me except when things like this happens. Serena Williams disqualified at match point. Kim Clijsters, wild card, coming back from retirement, winning the tournament.

... and for tonight, let's go Federer.

9/9/09

Sept 8, 2009

It is incredibly helpful to talk to people that have gone through similar experiences as myself so I realize I'm not going crazy. There are difficulties switching from uni to work that no one taught me in uni. You know it subconsciously, it makes sense when people say it to you, but really, it's nothing like experiencing it first-hand. Fortunately there's people around that have tried some things and have some good ideas to ensure work doesn't kill us all. For that and more, I'm thankful.

Sept 5, '09

Spring is here.

Sept 1, '09

I would really appreciate it if someone could tell me some good news right about now.

Aug 30, '09

Someone's twenty today =) "Happy birthday, mate."
I ate a lot of food this weekend.
Another long week ahead... hopefully with some interesting things.

Spring is almost here.

Psalm 96

Even when things aren't so good....

___

Sing unto the Lord a new song
Sing unto the Lord all the earth
Sing to the Lord, bless his name
Tell of his salvation day by day.

Majesty and honour are his
Strength and beauty, glory and righteousness
Great is the Lord, and deserving of praise
He is to be feared above all gods.

Worship the Lord in holy array
Tremble before him all the earth
Our God reigns.

Let all the creation be glad
The earth and the sea sing for joy
Before the Lord, the judge of the earth
Who judges us in righteousness and truth

Worship the Lord in holy array
Tremble before him all the earth
Our God reigns.

Aug 24, '09

According to http://www.friendshipstats.com I have 530 friends, 410 more than average. 46% are male, 54% are female. 89 are single, 127 are dating or married. If I contracted a deadly variant of flu, I would likely infect 13 people, 2 of whom would die. When I share something on Facebook, it is typically viewed by 31 people. If I died today, an estimated 565 people would try to attend my funeral. Based on my Facebook profile, I have a 93% probability of getting married. I am likely to earn US$2.7 million and have 2.5 children over my lifetime.

...

I'm surprised I clicked on this nonsense in the first place. I must be losing my mind more than I thought.

Black and white.

But mainly black.

Aug 14, '09

Half-hearted. Elsewhere.
Cold-hearted. Everywhere.

Patience waning.
Out of sight.

Losing.

Aug 4, '09

I have been sitting here for a long time to try and formulate the words, just for a temporary release. But no amount of thinking has led me to coming up with the words that even begin to describe the frustration and the pain.

Logic and reason doesn't work.
Empathy trumps all.
If only.

Jul 31, '09

The laptop is on
The screen shines
A world of information
In the darkness of my room



Information I don't need to know